Carol’s Pandemic Diaries 2…2nd May to 7th August 2020.I

In my last blog, I documented from March to May how I was coping with the pandemic and lockdown. This one follows on from then to August. I do not know if it is interesting for you to read. I hope you do…but it’s doing or will do me good.

2nd May…10.40 am….New Journal-uncertain times-pandemic-coronavirus and lockdown affecting the whole world.Cannot meet family that do not live with you,but no way I could let Dan be completely on his own at this time.I find hubby a bit blinkered sometimes, but he has more or less obeyed the letter he got from the hospital. He continues to go along the local shop-5 minute walk to get the paper and asks me go into town once a fortnight to get “cash for him.It is awful not to see family But we do ring/Facebook/message.Just wish I could do more(as you will see later on I got my wish).I am not bored,just fed up.Hubby is frustrated and still complains of “trapped wind”(turns out that was his hernia building up to an emergency)We stopped watching the news as it was scaring us every time.My daughter-in-law orders wool from Amazon…i am knitting “isolation scarves” in moss stitch,putting a badge or a rainbow on each one and sending them to friends and family as a surprise.(Started as about 20…but by the end of lockdown and just after was approx 100.Son no 3 was furloughed.(all these new words we ar beginning to learn.Hubby managed to talk to his sister S on the landline.4 circuits of the green in front of our house.1.25…Ron had a phone call from his brother C which was a nice surprise.Added some more names to my list of scarves(knitting those scarves saved me…I now knit for the Ukraine.

7th May…Rang son no 2…he didn’t want to meet in the shop.As it was Thursday we did our “clapping duty”
8th May…big occasion.Our little corner held a VE SOCIAL DISTANCING…coffee/tea and cake also some alcohol was involved and also a BBQ.we all had our little tables at the end of our paths..(I am sure there was a little spill but in hindsight, I feel it did us the world of good and no one caught Covid.It was a special 6 hours.Isat and knitted part of one of my scarves…a black one I ssem to remember.I know hubby benefitted from it.7.20pm…people were still out there but hubby and I were back indoors.
9th May…Met son no 2 along shop.Gave him a cupcake I had got for him from the “party”That afternoon we had a wood drop off from friends P and M.
10th May…got 3 numbers on the lotto and won £30.oo.Spent it on sherry and gin.I did meet son no 3 again to bring him up to date about Boris’s news…he got very upset but when I rang him later he was OK(I think in hindsight this may have been the trigger to his mental health issues that started to appear.

11th May… talking to a neighbour in the streetI discovered that the post office don in Woodbridge Hill sold wool so I did a long walk
14th May…Just got back from a long walk to the Post Office in Woodbridge Hill and got 6 100-gram balls of Double Knotting wool…got 2 green, and on each of purple/brown/cream/speckly cream.Also popped into the co-op for a few snacks.We had the gas man for a gas check up…social distancing still.
16th May…as some shops were opening Ron decided that he wanted me to go into town to bank and check what shops were open. Then he and I may go into town on the Thursday.I decided to read the series of Clan of the Cave Bears again.Also had a chat with my sister M…it was good to hear her voice.Son no two getting unhappy about the noise from a downstairs neighbour…very loud music…(I feel that this could be the start of all the meltdown that came later.Hubby still nothappy with his stomach saying he wishes he could die.I snapped back it he wanted to tdie he knew where his tablets were.9I did not mean it.).Son no 2 rang me up upset…as he had been listening to the news about the “second wave” of the virus because of the crowded beaches.
22nd May…talking to son no 2 about the news and he seemed calmer.He told me that the thing he missed was “mooching about town with me”That actually meant a lot to me.
24th May…we have been asked for to go to another BBQ out front…but hubby flatly refused.He said it was cold(think in hindsight he was frightened of virus)I think hubby coped with the lockdown by sleeping…all the naps he was having.
25th May..Death toll down to its lowest in two months so a light at the end of the tunnel
26th May… we had a surprise visit from son no one and friend D.sat out the front social distancin with strawberries and cream.It was a lovely catch up and my laptop got fixed.So I was able to join in the zoom meetings for the Tourettes group.Also could chat to family and friends.which I did surprising them all.It really cheered me up.Well the lovely thing that son no 1 did for me…I wandered if I could speak to K in USA.(I did).

29th May…I went around Tesco but the queue was too long so I went home…and went back later about 5pm.
30th May …Talked to my cousin B on line.

1st June…Well today the lockdown rules are going to slowly lift.(I cannot beleive I wrote this…I must have been well pissed off)Me…I am going to be as awkward as hell,I am going to continue to self isolate.not go out ect.I did not like the face we were classed as hold.I am not as nice as people assume I am.Looks like another sunny day and I am stuck on the sofa.Both of us were napping and we heard a car.It was son no 3 and family dropping of birthday presents for hubby and flowers for me.I had a telephone call from manager of Cancer Research to ask if I was shielding…I said no…so went back to my volunteering on 27th June.
2nd …accompanied hubby into town…I think he thought it would be like before,but it was not.As he was “allowed “out of “shielding” nothing was going to stop him going out.
3rd…(re reading this now I feel these is when son no 2’s mental health issues went out of hand.He was in tear  and worked himself up into a state– re lockdown/people downstairs/gender issues(son no 2 is transgender.He thought he had lost his phone.Wanted to see his friend P so I rang him and he took him for a ride out.We still have to wear masks…which hubby wouldnt.I got my daughter in law to order me so masks online.
5th June…When Ron got up early he found son no 2 sitting rocking at the side of the house(this was the start of his mental health issues)Could not get much out of him so brought him indoors and got him to sleep in his old bedroom for a little while.He slept fo 3/4 hours.He got himself into a state..he is stuck in his flat 90% of the time,missing his church,missing his volunteering,the pub with friends P and J(This was the moment I realized that I had to put all my personel stuff to the back of my mind..I had hubby and son to worry and sort out etc)

6TH June…I am not going to go into too much detail…but just an outline of what happened.About 6.30 a knock at our door…one of Son’s neighbours saying he was not well,sitting outside the flat rocking and crying so I went along. Someone had rang an ambulance.I got him inside, thanked everyone and we waited for the ambulance.The ambulance turned up..they managed to take his temp and it was a shock to hear that he had a temp of 38.3…my first thought was (bloody hell!! he has got the virus.He had not been eating and he had not wee’d since the day before.Had a bit of back pain.They felt he had an infection,Because of the situation they would not let me go with him(in hindsight I feel I sh thould have challenged them as he was a vulnerable adult).They would get back to me. Meanwhile friend P turned up asked if I needed anything.I got him to get my phone.Dan was kept in overnight.He went back to his flat after I picked him up the next morning…it was his choice.I had to phone GP to sort out some sleep deprivation tablets..7th June…Ron’s birthday and he was not very happy.P and I picked son up from the hospital…I felt that day was the worst in lockdown(little did I know. do not know if this is boring to you all…but its doing me good–re hashing it and putting it to rest.
I bit more went on which I have written in my journal and it still upsets me so I will keep that to myself.

10th June…I had the most strange dream…Russian spies/piles of clothes in a box/we were in the house I grew up in/and my mam was about.
13th June…Son no 2 feels more settled(little did I know)I went around to Tesco…not waiting in that queue…not even for gin…went back later and it was better..got sherry/gin/lemonade/cream buns/trifle.
15th June…son no 2 and I went into town suitably masked.Walked through a quite silent Friary and White Lion Walk.Found that the bookies where open…hubby will be pleased.
16th June..hubby and I went into town masked with scarves.Left hubby in bookies with a tea from Pret a pret,and went to the bank and paid the council tax…then collected hubby.Bought wool £10 FOR 5 100 GRAM BALLS.Bit of normality…it did hubby good.
17th June…Mental health team rang Dan and it didnt  go well at all(not surprised as son cannot cope with calls like that)I spoke to them and said he would copw better wth a face to face chat…we await to see how long that will take.Turned out he still had some UTI so had to provide a pot of pee.Son continues to be confused.
21st June …I won £3o on the lottery!!

reading through these diaries again…I am not sure how I feel.Was everyones lockdown as humdrum/chaotic/upsetting as ours has been.
25th June…Because he was always answering th phone I would go straight along to his flat…I was shocked to find the flat empty and wondered where he could be.A neighbour said he had been sat outside flat  ealier so I took a walk around the back of the flat and found him there(this was the start of what think was his “breakdown”)I took him back to ours and he was going on an n about the “bank conning him”As I really didnt know what to do I Community Learning Disability Team”I spoke to them and so did son..arranged for a physiatrist to come out the next day and would I be there with him.
26th June…Went along the next day…no answer from the flat,he was not inA neighbour told mr he had been seen wandering at midnight and messing about with the bins.Someone rang for an ambulance but son refused to go…had gone out for a walk at 8.The doctor arrived and as I was talking to him Dan arrived.(Thank god)The doctor referred him to mental health emergency team And hubby arrived that we have him stay with us a few days.Later in the afternoon Son said he did not want to stay so I walked him back to the flat.Suggested a bath to cool down,made him have some food and suggested  to watch a DVD..I told the care team and rang his friend P to bring him up to date.I had a second visit at 8 20 pm !! as I had rang with now answer and when I went along found him outside in bare feet but wouldnt go into flat because of wasps.P took him for a ride up Newmands corner.
Going to stop here as that was making me upset to relive that…I had actually forgotten…it was the next day when I went along that I realized that I could not cope with the situation and rang the emergency mental health team again.
27th June….(I will not copy out the next few entrants as I cannot live through it again…but stuff went downhill where son no 2 was concerned and I reached out for help…and we got it.)I felt very drained that night.

His friends P and Jan were very supportive.Always.

1st July…Pyschriast has been in touch.But son would not speak and hide in his bedroom.(I still wander what was going through his mind)Said they were finding it hard to find someone to help him!!!.His friend P andJ had taken him out and he said he was a bit brighter.Made sure he was back at flat.
cant write anymore today as rereading what I had been writing was making me emotional.
I am wondering if I shall continue after I finish 2020…but lockdown lingered I feel also into 2021.

4thJuly…Independence Day in USA.Ron continues to go upstairs for a “lie down” numerous times in the day.Thankfully he still sleeps at night,I feel its his way of coping with lockdown and the stress of Son n2’s mental health.Also hubby had his hair cut  for the first time since the barbers all closed.It made him feel better.
5th July…I am just so weary,so very weary with all this worry with son 2.It is 100% in my head all the time.

I feel that I ma beginning to get help re son 2.Mental health Doctor.. rang to see how my son had been over the weekend and will ring again Wednesday.Hubby blaming sons mental health problems on “Bloody Boris” says he should not have shut the churches.I go along to see son 2 and check on him.I feel he doesnt want me there…but I need for my sanity to check he is OK.

14th JULY…letter from friend S in Bridport…her letters havealways been a lifesaver for me.

15th July…still feeling so down and exhausted then got a text fro J my manager at Oxfam Quarry Street to say it will not be reopening after lockdown stating property issues, the economic situation…bullshit…..she didnt care about the shop was always off and did not want to be there.

17th July….The situation with son no 2 remains the same. We await the care people sorting out a package for him. Meanwhile hubby and I go into town wearing visors instead of masks or scarves ,lot more comfortable.Hubby also got a letter asking him if he wanted to take part in a COVID-19 survey…he declined.Son no 1 travelled up to Middlesboro to visit some friends…I am so envious
18th…Sat morning,not like it used to be.No waiting for son no 2 and getting the 8 o’clock bus into town…I find it very sad.People are beginning to enjoy the easing of the lockdown,but not me…it will not make any difference.Also had a haircut.
22nd July…I have been crying all day…I cannot stop.Hubby tires himself out by painting a fence…why???Friend P really gets me down ….going on and on about son 2 anxiety and whatever is going on(Finally after over 18 months son no 2 has been reassessed and  he has PSTD caused by lockdown and other stuff.)
thats the end of this journal Just have another to go through containing lockdown stuff.