Tales From My Journal….number 1

I was asking my son no 1 the other day…”Can you think of any things I can blog about?” He suggested that as have all these journals in boxes upstairs why don’t I go thought them…….so I took his advice and here is something from Journal no 29  written in 2007.

Reflections on the Day after my brothers funeral.

I hope this will not upset any family that happen to read it.

It is taken almost word for word from the journal that I wrote it in.

Yesterday was the 2nd of May and it was the day I said goodbye to my brother Gordon. I had made arrangements with another brother to travel upcountry to attend his funeral. I had to leave Guildford to meet my brother at the railway station. When I got up I felt awful, my stomach all chewed up etc. My brother rang me to make sure I was up, Ron came over to the bus stop to see me off. My brother and I were coming back on the same day. I met my brother at the train station and we caught the 6.55 am to Waterloo. It was so good to see him as we had not met up for several years….but I do wish it had been in different circumstances.

Even though it was a very sad day….it was also really special to spend all that time with Derek…..we had a lot of catching up to do. We had a long 4-hour journey from Waterloo to Darlington and the return journey. We talked and talked…I am sure we learnt a lot of new things about each other. We shared a lot of memories, things I had not known. He talked a lot about his army life and I shared memories of mine and Ron’slife and the moves we had had. And we also talked about our brother.

I had really worried about the London underground but I felt completely safe with him as he commuted up to London every day as he worked in Harley St.

We had some time to wait at Kings X so he treated me to breakfast…I could not face a full English which he had but settled on egg/bacon roll and a cup of tea. Our train arrived and we settled down for the long journey each with our own thoughts. That journey seemed really long. Derek opened his briefcase and apart from the newspaper, it was packed full of Buns, bottled water and energy bars. My lovely sister in law Ursula made sure we would not go hungry.

I cannot remember much of what we talked about on the journey North. We arrived in Darlington about 12.30……had a while to wait so we sat in the railside pub….black coffee for Derek and Gin/tonic for me which I insisted that I pay for.

The time came for us to get the taxi to take us to the crematorium. Both of us still deep in thought. We wandered around the surrounding grounds as we were early keeping a lookout for the rest of our siblings. We finally found them and greeted each other with cuddles etc. At first, we really did not know what to say to each other….it was really hard. As the oldest, I felt I should say or do something but I couldn’t…..nothing prepares you for this

The hearse arrived with Gordon and I found it very hard to apprehend that my brother that I had known since I was three years old was in that box. That I felt all through the service…….I was so glad I had my sister beside me on one side and Derek on the other. My lovely brother Gordon had a beautiful family that adored him and it came through in the service. It was soon over and I know I was shaking as we followed each other outside. Berni was so kind to us and understood that Derek and I were unable to go the house as we had to get back to Darlington for the return train.

My sister, 3 brothers and I stood in the car park…..but I felt that Gordon was there with us…….such a strong feeling. We chatted for about half an hour, our taxi arrived to take me and Derek back to the train station…..it truly as I look back it felt like a whirlwind. We made our apologies to Berni again and said goodbye to our niece and nephew…….and my two other brothers and my sister and before we knew it we were in the train heading South. I suppose we were more relaxed and Derek started to tell me stories about the naughty stuff he had got up to with his mates….and we got ourselves into a giggly state, I suppose that we had managed to cope with our feelings

It was a really tiring day…that in hindsight I should have arranged to stay at our Maureen’s……but I knew that Ron was pleased I was back the same day and as Derek said so was Ursula. I rang a friend…Dave who picked me up and got me back home……..It was a surreal day like a dream…….a never to be forgotten day.

RIP  dear Gordon xx