Words to Make you Smile

Life can still be S**t so I have been looking through my “word books” to find something that may bring a smile to you.

AS I GET OLDER I REALIZE.

1. I talk to myself because I need expert advice.
2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
3. I do not need anger management…I need people to stop pissing me about.
4. My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs help.
5. The biggest lie I tell myself is that “I don’t need to write that down. I will remember it…
6. When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment…now it’s like a mini-vacation.
7. The day the world runs out of wine..is just too terrible to think about.
8. Even duct tape cannot fix stupid. But it can muffle the sound.
9. Wouldnt it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkled free and 3 sizes smaller.
10. “Getting Lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I am here.

When I was in my younger days…I weighed a few pounds less…I needn’t hold my tummy in…In a belted dress.

But now that I am older…I’ve set my body free…There is the comfort of elastic…where once my waist would be.

Instead of those high heeled shoes…My feet have not been forgiven…I have to wear a nine now…But used to be seven.

And how about those pantyhose…They’re sized by weight you see…So how come when I put them one…The crotch is at my knee.

I need to wear these glasses…As the prints have been getting smaller…And it was t very long ago…I know that I was taller.

Though my hair has turned to grey…And my skin no longer fits…On the inside, I am the same old me…It’s the outside that’s changed a bit.

One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a lot of people. If they laugh you are still young.If they start panicking and begin to run towards you. YOU ARE OLD!

FRIENDS……The body started changing. The brain is getting slower. Bingo wings are flapping. Boobs are getting lower. But do we really care? Everything is just fine. As longs as we have FRIENDS and there’s an endless supply of wine.

CORONA PRECAUTIONS…I went to the bathroom at a restaurant…I washed my hands, opened the door with my elbow…Raised the toilet seat with my foot…I switched on the water faucet with a tissue…Opened the bathroom door to leave with my elbow…When I returned to my table…I realized …I forgot to pull up my pants!!!!

10 THINGS YOU CAN GET AWAY BY SAYING AT CHRISTMAS.

  1. I’m stuffed I have been sucking on nuts all day.
  2. You still have a bit dribbling down your chin
  3. Try tying the legs together to keep the inside moist
  4. Smother the juice all over the breasts.
  5. It’s a little dry do you still want me to eat it
  6. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
  7. If I don’t undo this zip I will burst.
  8. I didn’t expect everybody to come out at the same time.
  9. Stuff ut up between the legs as far as it will go.
  10. Do you think you can handle all these people at once?

All found on the pages of Facebook or from magazines and newspapers